Take my hand, I'll teach you to DANCE

it came so suddenly too, ugh :’/

over addi’s house, her little sister just told the best story while keeping the straightest face.

“mommy, I had a music test yesterday. our name was worth 50 points. some kid spelled his name wrong. he got like a 25.”

already pathetically bawling my eyes out and sobbing into my pillow.

i was doing so fucking well.

it’s getting bad again.

I just don’t want to be sad. I’m tired of it. but I’m tired of nobody wanting me. I’m tired of nobody caring if I’m even around or not..

but on a school day when that’s the exact time I usually set my alarm for, it takes me legit twenty minutes to actually wake up… DA FUQ?!

I liked her before and things didn’t turn out well

so then I stopped liking her

but like she’s so wonderful and pretty and awesome

and I’m pretty positive she likes someone else and is probably going to go out with him soon

and it’s not like I’d have a chance anyway

like I know I should stop but I can’t :(

you guys have no idea how bad it is.

seriously.

I should make a video of a routine day of being around me because it is not pretty.

entertaining, but not pretty.

sorry I didn’t get to post pictures before I left :(

super tired. maybe I’ll post some tomorrow..

goodnight everyone :)

a humid summer day in the park behind a local elementary school. sitting on the swings while my mom and her boyfriend walk through the field, an occasional beep as they find bullshit treasure with his old metal detector. I listen to Andrea Gibson as I swing high enough for the chain to buckle just a bit. I grip tightly, always afraid of falling. I’ve fallen before.. fallen down stairs, fallen off curbs, fallen for the wrong people… wrong person. on the way home we passed the church and my heart thumped loudly. it’s own detection of the carnival held in that parking lot. an entire night of sitting on the back curb, behind all the fun, because you were there with another girl. “friends”. that’s what you guys were. but I’d been “friends” with you before. another bullshit word with a miscommunicated definition that you’d say to me. the night was almost through when you came through the back two venders, my knight in skinny jeans and a polo shirt. we walked back to a little opening, away from the hustle and bustle, you cheered me up just by holding me. you asked me back out that night, I said I didn’t know. I wanted to be in control, I wanted you to be the one kept waiting.

snap back to reality:

now I’m home, typing this dumb text post that no one will read, with hands raw from gripping so tightly.

I tried so hard not to fall.

now I’m home, typing this dumb text post that no one will read, with hands raw with sadness because they will never again hold your hands with the greatest love I’ve ever been a part of.

I tried so hard not to fall…

everything I own will be off Etsy.

and I will regret absolutely nothing.

about a week ago, during state bio testing, all the kids who aren’t in bio went to the auditorium during the test to watch a movie. we watched Thor the first day and I didn’t mind it, but some people were talking about how it was supposed to be gender neutral, but obviously wasn’t. so I was talking to my math teacher about it and said they should play something that everyone likes and as an example, I said Finding Nemo, when out of the blue, a dumb bitch says, “I hate Finding Nemo” and then I was all like, “ALRIGHT, CALM THE FUCK DOWN OVER THERE, SATAN.”

I didn’t say it, but I was thinking it, ya know? like what the actual fuck. I still don’t understand.

not just like, “hey reblog this FOR A CHANCE to be promoted, but probably not cuz i’ll just promo my friend, but thanks for going along with being used to gain me followers”

am I cool enough yet?

does this mean you guys will start talking to me?! :D

…..no?

okay… :(

I started my tumblr exactly a year ago from today :’)

and now I’m ten followers away from 7,000 

my baby grew so much…I’ve grown so much :’)

this is a big thing.

this is a very big thing :}